This Evaluation project thing is like Rawls magnum opus ‘A Theory of Justice’ which took him a good thirty years or so but which has got academia talking for the next thirty years following it’s publication.
For a start I have never done what the Academics term ‘Peer Review’ let alone being involved in something that could be potentially lifechanging once completed. It’s as much a diplomatic exercise as is an imaginary working with exercise and puts me on the edge. I hope R&D Manager got the funds. This Evaluation of original Proposal (on HDD) is bigger than just getting the original email. I asked for and recieved a PhD Thesis from an Academic in the scene. If I ever PhD I will do the same money and remedials are the problem plus I need to get away from it all. Something in me is repelled by all of this even as I write it but as family and friends know I am not one to avoid the opportunity of a a deadly serious intellectual conversation (you HOLDING THEM attention wise means you are on the money), and it has been as deadly serious as you can get. Meaning if I had the money certain Postgraduate Courses will need to be taken in a veritable Wish List of Degrees and Postgraduate qaulifications including the famed PhD with all it’s implications. I have theories as I said before. I also have a SAFE FRIEND to confide them too who is protective of me and who will let me shine given opportunity. SHINING is the great task of this Evaluation SHINING and daring to knuckle down to the hard graft of ACTUALLY DOING IT AND NOT AVOIDING IT REALISING THAT ONCE DONE THREE OR FOUR COPIES OR FIVE OR MORE WILL BE GIVEN OUT BECAUSE I WILL BE DYING TO SHOW MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHAT I HAVE DONE AND SEE PRACTICAL WORK COME OUT AS A RESULT MEANING I AM IN HYPER UBER ACADEMIC LAND BAR FAULTS AND INADEQUECIES. This should theoretically be a good project. I have certain Self Taught to guide me: Bataille, Fichte, and someone else from Continental Philosophy book Critchley and Schroder read after a too long plough through. I am certain that it is GOOD FOR ME the intellectual path is mental health incarnate except except where I want to run away flee go anti etc and be a Socialite with this part being healed and worked into righteousness.
This should be good but I refuse to go to Conferences (I am out for PG Conference and Paper land should it ever dare to happen and I ‘transition’). Do not go to Public Lectures but instead raid the Academy for it’s finds. I am a profligate extravagant downloader who has only succeeded in downloading numerous LSE Public Lectures, as well as other key institutions (plus Papers etc you understand) and wish forever and ever that ESSEX would get in on the act so I can download the Essex Academia into my system and not be deprived as now.
I am an Independent so Pharma and Neuroscience is on Lecture list not just needed continental and other Philosphy. If I will I will be involved with this that and other organisation otherwise I do my own stuff regardless. I don’t care that I may be attacked. I am not strong. A Dr in front of name and actual abilities in that regard would be an absolute godsend in this horrible configuration of circumstannces that threaten me from literally every side. Plus our good friend MISdiagnosis. If Professionals can’t get me right and high and mighty loveliness can’t get me right then what help is there for me? (Kate Millet ‘The Loony Bin Trip’). I am more than up on the Scene and the status of user books vis a vis Academia. Everything costs.
My theories give me practical insight x or y or confluence of factors say z b c d eo8 e w 9o are here and 0 e xy 3e3e3e are here. They are secret to all but the Select Elect Few. I say ‘Academia’ is missing it. A friend said to me that someone else might be thinking of what I am thinking. I need to be in there first or ahead of my learned friends. If I have it in me to become Dr xxx yyy then it would have use beyond the proven abilities it would refute MISdiagnoses galore. Even taking an independent position from Campaigning Groups AND Academia is an intelligent wise action. No one dictates but I follow what is best. At least when I am in the sunshine I can think my neurotransmitters are drinking up serotonin, or my chemical profile is a healthier one as a result. I refuse to live in a divorced world apart from philosphy. If I ended up with wherewithal to access Biomedical agenda I would NOT abandon social science or philosophy or art or literature. Academics are missing it badly. A strong claim ay. defend myself ay with all these educated folks.
This Evaluation is more edgy than UG or PG projects as it is with a REAL LIFE PRACTIONER and requires REAL LIFE PHILOSOPHY THEORY and REAL LIFE REPLY which is probably why I draw back. I need to listen to negative feelings. Heaven would be Happy Intellectual Heaven as well as Sex LifeParty, Romantic Party, Social Party (Intellectual Partying Extroadinaire and to an incredible unthinkable degree) a Career Party, a Recovery Party and Economic and Financial Party, a Status and prestige party, a Service Party, an on the edges Party, an educational and formative party!! Heaven would invade this whole scene and make it what it should be. a return to be as we are party. a deep deep party. It’s any wonder I am scared draw back but must perseveare and break through and make this pay dividends to R&D manager, myself and so so many in the Service User Academic Scene. 1001 words